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Posts Tagged ‘messy head’

What do you do when starting Monday is hard? We had a busy but exhausting weekend here in the Vicarage, including a lovely but random collection of people joining us for Sunday lunch. And then the school week began and I struggled to meet it head on.

My head is still pretty messy in the aftermath of the locust eaten year – and I keep on thinking about things that go round in circles. I compose lines in my head and then don’t write them down or send them. The lines swirl around, taking up space and preventing logical thought.

So I binned a few of my plans for the day (including – shhh – the gym) and awarded myself a slow day. And then I sat down with my laptop and tackled the email inbox, which had been pressing in. I talked to the Vicar and stroked the dog. I noodled about on Twitter and kept going with my crochet project.

It was a gentle day and I got a few things done, so I guess I’m winning. This morning I read from a devotional based on the collects of Thomas Cranmer, and meditated on the Collect for the 2nd Sunday of Lent. Today reminded me how much I lack the power to help myself, and how much I need the Lord’s help with evil thoughts that assault and harm the soul. Praying with Cranmer is always a blessing.

ALMIGHTY God, who seest that we have no power of ourselves to help ourselves: Keep us both outwardly in our bodies, and inwardly in our souls; that we may be defended from all adversities which may happen to the body, and from all evil thoughts which may assault and hurt the soul; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

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So, I’ve found that when your head is messy, you can barely read the Bible, you can barely pray, you can barely think of God at all. It’s a struggle to think straight about anything. My brain is a mad butterfly at the best of times, so regulating my thoughts at all in a time of trial was almost impossible.

But I do know that one way that the Lord has provided for his people to fix their eyes on him is through songs and hymns and spiritual songs. I know that a good rousing anthem can tempt me to do the housework I loathe so much. And so throughout the most difficult days I listened to music to soothe my soul. I would go off to the local park with the Vicarage Hound with earphones in, looking at the trees and grass – God’s good creation – and reminding myself of Jesus.

During that time, a friend tweeted an album of music into my timeline. She’d created the artwork for it, and it seemed my sort of thing – folky, bibley. And it was exactly what I needed to listen to. A short album (half an hour’s listening) of gospel folk – Salve by Land and Salt. The songs are quite repetitive – but that was a blessing because I couldn’t remember anything! They have some quirky videos too:

I love the line in this first song:

I may cleanse my hands before I eat

When I’m done, Jesus washes my feet.

I so often felt completely ‘done’, and needed that frequent reminder that Jesus was there to wash my feet. These songs have been such a blessing to me – a gift from the Lord at just the right time.

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