After a brief period of blogging for a few months under false pretences (I was a curate’s wife at the time) the name of this blog truly reflects my full time occupation. My husband is the vicar of a multi-cultural inner-city parish in the West Midlands and we have now been serving in this part of the world for over 7 years.
We have three children, the Queen, who has just started secondary school, and her younger brothers, the Joker and the Engineer, a cat with a mutant tail, a goldfish and a couple of rodents, a brand new lodgers/Vicar’s Apprentice called Radiohead who lives in our newly spruced up attic, a weed filled garden, finger marks on every wall, dust on every surface, too much laundry and vital small plastic parts from toys all over the house.
Before becoming a full time mum I was a chartered mechanical engineer working in the water industry, mainly designing water and sewage treatment plants for the developing world. This background has not been totally inappropriate for my current role.
I hate housework and love talking and baking. Welcome to our Vicarage.
Ah! I thought this was you. But then I was confused and decided it must be the actual vicar’s wife. Welcome to the wonderful world of blogging.
My dad said I shouldn’t have called it the vicar’s wife, but I wanted a name that would last!
Just found this and it is brilliant!
I am a the daughter of a vicar and the wife of a curate (due to be ordained 5th July).
I am also in the West Midlands.
I have a feeling I am going to become addicted to this blog.
Very pleased you like the blog, Shiv – welcome to the Vicarage. I pray that the next couple of months go well for you as your husband begins his curacy.
Great to meet you. I come from Hagley – West Midlands. Thanks for the twitter follow – I’m following you too. I like your style.
God bless you and your ministry
Rachel at Re vis.e Re form
Lovely to meet you too Rachel. You’re very welcome to our busy Vicarage. I’ve been reading your blog on and off and always enjoy your comments on the Ugley Vicar.
Speaking as a bloke, but one who has worked as a lay officer in the CofE for many years and been part of inner city parishes where I spent a lot of time hanging around in the vicarage, I can totally see where you’re coming from (or should that be: coping with).
Is having “the largest garden in the neighbourhood” a blessing or a feature that further alienates the locals from the Church? (i.e Why should the vicarage be any different from the terraced or council houses?) I can see that with a young family and their friends you use it to your advantage, but it still sets you apart.
By the way, have you come across the Messy Church movement yet? http://www.messychurch.org.uk It could be helpful with engaging the local families and your work in the parish.
May the Lord give you the strength and love to cope and survive in your role!
Best wishes,
Graham
Welcome to the Vicarage Graham and thank you for your comments.
We always tell folk that the house comes with the job, and that it costs a bomb to heat, and so far people haven’t been resentful at all. It’s wonderful to be able to bless people with the space we have and so far I think the house has been a gospel asset rather than a hindrance.
I was just looking at Messy Church the other day and thought they had some interesting ideas. I think we are already doing some similar things already – feeding people, creative stuff etc – our monthly All Age service has puppets and refreshments, though it’s always good to think about how things could be more effective.
Hi
My husband has just started training at theological college so I thought I would see what’s in store for me!!!
Welcome Suzanne. I hope you enjoy reading. And enjoy college too – we had a great time in training.
Hi just wondering about your website. Has it been set up using the wordpress blog free web host or is it stand alone site on a server. Great sight and a good read. I am a member of the holy trinity church Oldhill bye the way. Nice talking to you.
Hi The writer. Just realised that I’ve not yet replied to you. This is a wordpress.com site – ie a free blog. Glad you like it. I’m not clever enough to anything more fancy blog-wise!
Thanks for the reply. Keep up the great work you do.
Hi, this is Mrs T from Cornwall and I have an inspired idea to put to you. Is it possible for you to email me.
Hello Mrs T
Have emailed just now
i am on nites at work and have read your blog and would like to say how refreshingly entertaining it is.. have chuckled my way through it.. It also identifies what a busy bee you are and yet you look so “calm and refreshed all the time” im amazed
on a more personal note, thankyou for your support of late and numerous cups of tea. only 5 hours to go and yes i am so very nervous..
clare x
Welcome to the online Vicarage Clare. So pleased you are enjoying the blog. What a lovely day we all had today in the real Vicarage – thanks for being such an encouragement to us.
I notice you need to update your About page on this blog! It’s got a reference to Happy the Apprentice when in fact it is now Rocky (have I got the name right?).
Anyway, as you can’t do much housework due to thumb damage you could update your profile
Thanks Icklesis!
Hi there, I’ve been frantically Google searching for good UK Christian mum and wife blogs and they are very hard to find! Loads in the US. I’ve recently begun my blogging journey. I look forward to reading more of your posts!
Hi
We produce a daily religious news service for subscribers which not only lets our subscribers (mostly UK Baptists) the latest Christian news but a selection of interesting blogs. We posted your ‘How to cope as a Vicar’s Wife – the top ten tips’ back in July and thought that you would like to know that it was the most clicked story of the year.
Have a great Christmas,
Chris Hall
Communications Writer, Baptist Union of Great Britain
Hi Chris – thank you very much for letting me know – I hope it was of use to some folk – or at least made them smile. Happy Christmas to you too.
Hello there,
You might know, I’m about to launch a blog called the King’s English – a kind of evangelistic / devotional adventure – blogging through famous phrases from the King James Bible (jumping on the 400th anniversary celebrations).
Anyway, just wondered if you’d be willing to give it a plug. The snag is that the website isn’t quite up and running yet. But it will be at: kingsenglish.info and I’ll be blogging as of new years eve. If you’d be interested in linking, let me know and I’ll point you to the right page.
Many thanks
It’d be a pleasure Glen. I had a sneaky look and thought it looked very interesting already!
Hi
Love the site! And thanks so much for linking to and supporting me – much appreciated.
Emma
Glad you like it Emma – love yours too – always very stimulating reading. Keep up the good work.
Hi
I’m a vicars wife of many years and have just come across your blog, it brings back many memories of our time in an inner city parish. We are currently in Rural Cumbria but we move to Essex on 1st Feb for my DH to take up a new Parish there.
Love your blog
Hi Jackie and welcome to our Vicarage. So glad you like the blog
Do you have any top tips for going the distance in ministry?
Top tips are always difficult because they seem like cliches but that being understood I have a couple
Keep your Faith fresh, make sure you get “fed” on a regular basis as it’s all too easy to be the giver all the time
Make sure you and your husband get some time to just be a couple, easier said than done I know but you do need that space from time to time. If it’s really difficult due to pressure of the job put some time in the diary and do your best to make sure you both stick to it
I don’t know your situation but I know my hubbie is very bad at taking his day off so I have to try and make sure he does take time off it’s also very important for you as a family to have time together.
Hope this helps and I apologise if these are things yu already have in place
God Bless
Jackie
Thanks Jackie. Those are great tips, and have inspired me to blog a little about support and keeping going. A post should be up soon…
I stumbled upon your blog just after I started blogging ( haven’t got to grips with Tweeting yet) – and have found it great help. At the moment it is a bit like looking in through the window at a life I am still getting to grips with. Have you considered setting up anything like the American site – Pastors’ Wives Thriving in the Fishbowl?
( http://www.pastorswives.org/home). I see a need but don’t have the know how!
Hi Harriet. I don’t have the knowhow at all! I’m happy to start discussions if there’s something you’d like to cover, though – do make some suggestions.
I don’t know where you are theologically, but if you’re an evangelical I can’t recommend the Proclamation Trust conferences highly enough. There’s one in the summer for wives of clergy who’ve been fewer than 5 years in full time ministry. They cover lots of the issues that first hit you in parish, there’s terrific bible teaching, gorgeous food and no washing up!
Hubby is about to take up ministry in the C of E, moving from another tradition.
When he was last in ministry we weren’t married so the adjustment to married ministry is going to be challenging for both of us.
As he has not been through recent training we’re not part of a college group and don’t have that support network.
Do diocese have support networks?
Are there networks such as the proclamation trust offering support in the more liberal catholic end of the candle?
Sure i’m going to have lots more questions as things progress…
Hi hotpot and welcome to the Vicarage!
Some dioceses do have a network for spouse support. Ours certainly does. When my husband was first ordained he was in a support group for new curates and the wife of the chap who organised that made herself available if I needed any help. I was fine, as I got on well with my husband’s boss’s wife and already had a network, but it would have been brilliant if I’d been in your situation. There is also a more organised programme of events in our diocese arranged by the wives of the bishops and archdeacons. Sounds like it might be worth your husband asking a few questions of your future diocese/incumbent about networks for support.
As far as I am aware only Proc Trust and New Wine run events for the support of clergy spouses. I suspect that others either aren’t up for conferences etc or just tap into what the diocese runs and find that sufficient. I’m guessing you’ve already read the thread on the main homepage about this. If there is a gap in the market, I guess it’s up to the folk in those sections of the church to start something. Or you could always try PT or NW – they might not be what you expect and everyone is always extremely welcoming!
I wonder if you would mind us reproducing your review ‘Books for Camp: Deadly Emily’ (and any others you produce on children’s books) in our Parish of Walthamstow in house magazine which is circulated among the four churches in our team? We are fortunate to have a large number of young people. We review adult books, but rarely those for children and I believe your piece is worth wider circulation.
Many thanks
hopeeternal
‘Meanderings through my Cookbook’
Of course! I hope it will prove useful.
Much appreciated – thank you. (I always think it is important – and polite – to get permission!)
h/e
Dear TVW
As the husband of a Vicar in the Westcountry I was wondering if there is any specific support for clergy husbands who must be a growing phenomenon.
We have our problems too!
twitman
Welcome to the Vicarage twitman. As far as I know there isn’t any specific support for clergy husbands. And it’s only Proclamation Trust who run specific conferences for ministers’ wives – the New Wine events are for ‘women in leadership’ to cover the ordained/paid and those married to ministers.
Diocesan spouse support is for both wives and husbands, so you could tap into that – and maybe network with the blokes who want to support each other. You might need to start your own blog for Vicar’s husbands! Or see if you could organise a retreat with men in similar situations. Or perhaps a Christian men’s organisation might be able to help? Christian Vision for Men springs to mind, although their main role is evangelism. My husband arranges his own retreats a couple of times a year with a small accountability group. A blog or Twitter would be good places to start networking though.
Sorry I can’t be more help! Hope you find the support you need.
Hi from Wellington in NZ. Got hold of your blog through our vicar. Great to be in contact through a blog with the wider world. I’m hoping to glean great info on your children’s ministry – a role that I lead here at All Saints in Hataitai.
Yvette
Welcome to the Vicarage Yvette. Hope you enjoy the blog! We have a small children’s ministry at our church, but there are a few resources up here on the blog – and links to other people’s. And I keep on wittering on about teaching the bible to kids (my own and other people’s) and helping them grow in their Christian faith – it’d be great to have your input too!
Re your tax comments on twitter, our charity’s accountant is also a C of E Priest and also specialises in tax calculations for other clergy – he saves people a fortune, try him http://www.nomoreproblems.co.uk He’s the Rev’d Paul Robinson
Hello what a lovely blog, I have just found you and am delighted to read, music to my ears … I too am a vicars wife, mum of 3 busy teenagers, full time teachere (to bring in the money) and crafter … HELP!
Heather (The Patchwork Heart)
Hello, I am new here-though i have followed you on twitter for a while.
I am a youthworker at a Methodist Church in Wolverhampton and have 3 children also.
I find your blog informative, funny and very moving in places…you have an awesome family.
Many Blessings,
Clare x
Loving the blog!
In the sidebar, the Churches Holy Trinity link looks a bit old and broken…
Hi Ian and welcome to the Vicarage! Thanks so much for pointing out the broken link. We junked our old website and have a shiny new one now (which is updated intermittently – one of my tasks for today in fact).
Hello Vicars Wife! I lived in England in the early 90′s and was lucky enough to attend The Round in Cambridge. Mark and Fiona took in this American and her husband like one of their own! Do you have contact info for Fiona? I have tried Nick on FB, but i am no longer on there anymore…..if you could email me her info i would very much appreciate it!
thanks,
Michelle Dunn, Louisville Kentucky
Hello vicars wife! Thanks for your blog – and I enjoy following your tweets! Apologies in advance but a bit of shameless promotion just in case you might be interested…. we have Ruth Valerio coming up to Langley here in the West Mids in April to engage with churches about faith and consumerism. It might be something you’re interested in – we’re not charging for the event and details can be found here: http://ruthvaleriomustard.eventbrite.com/ (again sorry to promote and feel free to delete if not interested!)
Welcome to the Vicarage, Carlo. I don’t think I’ll be able to make the event, but I’m happy to link to it. Hope it goes well.
Thanks a lot – just added your blog to my RSS feeds too – most blogs I read are from pretty much all over, so it’s nice to have a more local take on things….
Hi there,
I’ve just found you, and I hope you don’t mind but I’d like to pilfer some of your posts. I’m an ordinands wife and have somehow managed to be the one organising the ‘spouses retreat’….I’m looking for material about our future lives and your posts about the vicars wife job description and how to cope as a vicars wife are excellent. Do you mind if I copy and edit them slightly? I want to use them to generate discussion.
Also, if you happen to have any experiences of spouses who are not involved in church life (I think a couple who are coming are not planning on being involved much, if at all) I would live to hear about them.
Thanks
Sam
Hi Sam. Do please use the posts! Spouses not involved in church life are not something I have much experience of tbh. Obviously, not everyone is able to be at home fulltime and get involved as much as I am, but every spouse can pray for their Vicar, and be supportive – even if it’s just dealing with the junk mail or thinking of good things to do on a day off. You have to work with time and gifts that the Lord makes available to you. Plenty of fulltime working Vicar’s wives help out, even if it’s just making sure that kids are cared for whilst the Vicar is working in the evenings. Vicar’s working husbands are not something I know much about either, but I get the impression that plenty manage to get involved in ways that suit them.
We feel very strongly that effective ministry includes an open home, where Christ’s love is modelled and shared with parishioners. “Church life” doesn’t have to involve flower arranging – it might just be making a cup of coffee when people arrive for counsel. Or having the Sunday school teachers over for a pizza.
If people are not planning *any* involvement, they need to make sure that they’ve talked that through with their husband (or wife). Before you get to parish, you might think that there’s nothing you can offer, but when you get there you often realise you can do an awful lot more than you thought.
Enjoy your session!
Thanks for that. I think we feel the same as you do in terms of an open home and using the gifts we have (I certainly won’t be flower arranging, partly because I am completely colour blind!)
I think we will probably work quite well together because we are pretty open with each other and can sit down and say when we feel annoyed or over worked.
I am a little concerned for some of th other families, particularly those who do not have the same (or any) faith. I worry that they will not be able to keep things as separate as they currently expect. I know several ‘vicarage families’ and have seen how they operate, but for those ordinands who are fairly new o faith themselves and have not ‘brought their families with them’ so to speak, the realities of vicarage life may be quite a shock….hence me trying to pull in as much information and experience as I can so we can talk about I while thy are still training.
Thanks again for he blog
Sam
Hi – I love your blog and find it a great source of inspiration and encouragement. My husband has been offered a place at theological college and is going through BAP later this year. I have a few questions I would like to ask you regarding my role in this – would I be able to drop you an email?
Thank you
Feebs
Hi feebs – mail me at thevicarswifey [at] gmail [dot] com. Will be happy to help.
Hi there
I have just found your blog! I too am a ‘vicars wife’ originally from the midlands but now in Scotland. It’s great to be in touch. Hope you have a good weekend.
Julie
Welcome to our Vicarage Julie! Thanks for saying hello
Hi! I’m glad I found your blog a few months ago and I do check it regularly – well – semi-regularly if I’m honest! My wife was ordained about 10 years ago and is about to be licensed as a Priest in Charge in a very rural benefice.
I’m wondering if you’re the same vicar’s wife who wrote a couple of very helpful books (some of the passages seem oddly familiar!) – initials CF by any chance? I learnt most of what it’s like being married to the clergy from those, so if you are the author, thank you soooo much (and if not, well you can take the credit anyway!)…
Hi Tim and welcome to the Vicarage! I am very honoured that you think I write like CF – I love her books, but I am not her. She has her own blog and is also blogging a novel in a chapter a week this year. Lots of fun. You’ll find them by googling her name – she also tweets as @fictionfox. I pray that your rural adventure goes well. Some friends ministering out in the depths of Sussex had their heating oil stolen last night, so I know that rural life isn’t all scones and village fetes!